Holiday Gifts For The Self-Absorbed Millennial Employee.


Millennial employees have taken employee gift expectations to another level.  When I was entering the workforce, I didn’t expect stuff.  Hell, I was stuff, and anything I received from my employer at this time of year was essentially on loan for blind loyalty, and labor.  Ah well, tis the season to cater to those who fully expect to be catered to.  Challenged with finding the ideal swag or cashe for those indispensable Millennial employees?

Scan Me, Eat Me, Learn About Me QR Code.

Nothing says “me” like a can of frosted pastries with  the employee’s QR code.  Hand these out at the party, and watch them give unintended meaning to the instructive text “Scan Me, Eat Me, Learn About Me.”


Monopoly: The Occupy Wall Street   Version.

No need to work your way up the ladder, accumulating, saving, and eventually buying a home. This new and final version replaces the thimble and car with a tent and a porta-potty. Without dice, one places their marker, claims the property, and remains until the rightful owner leaves.  This gift is sure to provide occupiers with weeks of time they’ll not get back and a full disenfranchisement of societal norms.  99% guaranteed

Barbie Doll With Tramp Stamp.

Who are the young professional millennial women fashioning an image after?  Elizabeth Olliver’s Fall 2011 Collection? Fuggedaboutit.  The newest line of Barbie Dolls tell the story.  The $50 doll designed by Los Angeles-based fashion company tokidoki is “aimed at young adult collectors.”  Get “behind” the effort.  How better to put your firm’s “stamp” of approval on HR policy moving forward?

Parental Hoarder Doll.

The perfect companion to tramp stamp Barbie, this parental doll is ideal for the millennial child looking to role play their parent’s transition into retiree life. Keeping it real as you role playing with Mom and Dad while waiting to exhaust their benefits support has never been more accurately depicted.

“I’m Perfect” Mirror.

The mirror that allows you to see you as you truly see you with all the light on.  Enhance your narcissism every time you walk in the room.  No raise, no date, no job; no problem.  Just let the personally patented glass crystals wash away your reality with a long self absorbed gaze at what the rest of the world is too stupid to recognize.


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Posted on December 14, 2011, in Employee Engagement, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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