Ford CEO Alan Mulally Fires UAW Officials ~ By I.M. Satire.
Ford CEO Alan Mulally fires UAW officials
by I.M. Satire
HR Guy News Service, October 14, 2011
Ford CEO Alan Mulally called a news conference at 5 o’clock this afternoon and announced that he was terminating the services of UAW president Bob King and UAW vice president Jimmy Settles.
“We pay these people to manage workers, not stir them up,” Mulally said with uncharacteristic venom.
His comments referred to a Facebook posting on the official UAW web site which threatened a strike if workers voted against the tentative agreement between Ford and the UAW. Settles predicted that Ford would hire replacement workers if the UAW went on strike. Bob King twittered his agreement.
Mulally was visibly outraged. “Why the hell would I hire scabs? That’s the damn dumbest thing I have ever heard.
Ford encourages loyalty and dedication and teamwork. I don’t need blowhards like Settles and King sticking words in my mouth and riling up workers against the company.” Mulally went on to say that he trusted the wisdom and experience of Ford workers. “If they tell me that this contract is wrong, I take full responsibility. We will go back to the bargaining table and I will personally make sure that recommendations from workers are addressed.”
Mulally told reporters at Ford’s Dearborn headquarters that he doesn’t expect any problems finding replacements for King and Settles. “We have UAW representatives on the front lines in Chicago and Dearborn who know how to lead. We don’t need some anarchist fringe element like King and Settles on our negotiating team.”